You don't get to tell me that it's time for me to be happy now.
In the last year or so, I have lost my family.
I have lost all hope of ever finding my faith again--in fact, I don't believe in god now and can't discern any purpose to the universe in general.
I have discovered that my marriage is a fraud and I can't tolerate my husband's touch.
I have realized that there are parts of me that are irreparably broken and I will forever feel like an outsider in my own world.
And in the most unbearable and pathetic transformation, I have lost my ability to dissociate at will. I feel like my skin has been ripped off and I am walking around in acid rain all the time. It's pathetic because I know everyone else feels their emotions all the time, and sure it's unpleasant or painful at times, but hey, that's part of being human so what's the big deal, right? Except I truly believe my emotions can kill me when they become overwhelming and suffocating and I can't turn them off anymore.
So I should get out more often, go to lunch with a friend, go shopping, because it's time to move on to the next phase of my life? Really? That's your suggestion for feeling "better"?
Fuck you.
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